When I Die….#Excerpts from a Sad Girl’s Diary.

When I die don’t come to my grave

Don’t fucking kneel and weep on it

When I die don’t bring me flowers

I’ll be dead I can’t smell them

When I die don’t tell me how much you loved me

Those are the words I wanna hear alive

When I die don’t say you miss me

You never had even a second for me 

When I die don’t come telling me how sorry you are

I can’t forgive you, I will not forgive you

When I die don’t hang around my folks

They don’t need someone like you

When I die you can blame yourself

It wouldn’t be a lie…You killed me.


The Fault in our Hearts…

Why do we want what we cannot have?

Why do we desperately yearn for that which we cannot get?

Why do we love those who cannot love us back?

Why do we still fall hard for that one person who has rejected us?

Why do we give countless chances to those who countlessly hurt us?

Why do we fail to see the trick this thing called love keeps playing on us?

Why are we blind to the things we should see?

Deaf to what we should hear,

And dumb when we should speak?

Yet we still keep wanting what we cannot have,

Desperately yearning for that which we cannot get,

And continually loving those who WILL NOT love us back.

This is for any and every broken hearted person out there. Much love from Tam😘😘.

A Nigerian Love Story… Episode 3.

It was almost thirty minutes to the end of the lecture. Demi was glad she had been able to make a few friends, true they weren’t in anyway the same but they provided little company. It was better than nothing. They never talked about things she related well to,so most of the time she just smiled and pretended to listen.

    She was feigning an interested smile and nodding at something they were saying when he came over to meet her. She felt someone tap her back and turned around to look into his big brown eyes.

    ” Hi.” He said smiling goofily and sat on the empty seat in front of her. ” We don’t know each other, not yet, but we will.” A slight pause then. ” My name’s Yemi, your name’s Demi. You write and looking at you, you must be a Ted Dekker fan, Grisham too. Care to add more to the list?”

     Demi raised her brow at him and gave a slight smile but frowned again. ” And you know this how?”

     ” So you admit am right? ” He said still grinning widely. Demi dropped her doodling pen and shifted her attention to this brown eyed imp who knew something about her. Conversation with a stranger was surely better than listen to her acquaintances bicker about some insignificant talk.

    ” Of course you are right. Because someone has given you my profile and now you think you know me. It was Ore wasn’t it?” She said smiling knowingly.

       He gave a hearty laugh and shook his head then feigned an innocent look. ” I do not know this Ore you speak of.”

   ” Indeed. ” Demi said and went back to doodling,blocking the voices of her new girlfriends and waiting for him to say something.

      ” Yes, it was Ore.” He said at last.

Demi looked up. “I’m gonna kill her.” She said.

      ” Oh please don’t,she didn’t…..”

She cut him off with a laugh and said giggling. ” I’m joking. ”

    They were silent for a while again until she spoke head still bent over doodling. “Yemi, right? ” 

     ” Yeah.” He said stretching a little to see the crowded page of her notebook. ” I do that too you know, doodle. It’s pretty fun.”

   Demi smiled but said nothing. She finally looked up and asked. ” So what’s up?” 

    ” Nothing much,school work….”

    ” I meant you coming to me. There’s got to be a reason my name popped up in your convo with Ore.”

     “Oh ,yeah. I need a writer. You see am writing this book and I need….”

     ” Demi,we’re off. ” One of her acquaintances said. For a moment she contemplated staying back to listen to what he had to say but decided against it.

   ” I have to go. Let’s talk some other time.” She said hurriedly packing her things.

   “OK,can I get your number then?” He asked handing her a pen with a small smile. She shook her head at his goofiness, wrote the number down and dashed off without a good bye.

   One week and Yemi didn’t call. She wondered why he didn’t call but most importantly,she wondered why she cared. She didn’t even know the guy yet she kept anticipating a call from an odd number,glancing at her phone all day. She finally dialled Ore to talk.

   ” Hey girl, what’s up? ” She said into the phone. A groggy Ore yawned and muttered her greetings. Ore and Demi had been friends for a while and other than the new acquaintances,she was the only one Demi could really talk to but that could hardly be done.Ore had gotten to school a long time before she resumed and being the bubbly,loud girl she was,she had a lot of friends and was always walking amongst people Demi never knew so she preferred sticking with her new “buddies”.

    ” You know a Yemi in our class yeah? ”

    ” I know a lot of Yemis, Demi.” Ore said over the phone.

    Of course, Demi thought rolling her eyes. ” I mean the one you told about me.” 

    ” I don’t remember… ” She started to say then: ” Ohhh, that one. Yeah,what’s up with him?”

   ” What did he want?” Demi asked biting her nails.

    ” I really don’t know, all I know is it had something to do with writing and a book I guess. ” Demi nodded and they talked some more recounting old times and laughing at them. Ore promised to get through to him, Demi didnt want her to but said her thanks and hung up.

    It was then she remembered. ” I’ve seen that goofy goof somewhere. ” She thought hard and ohhed when it finally came to her. She slowly recollected her first day at school and the big brown eyes that had met with hers and locked for a few minutes. She smiled and reached under her pillow for her journal. With a sleek black pen reserved only for that purpose, she began to write.

My Romantic Fallacy… #Excerpts from a Sad Girl’s Diary.

I have done something foolish.

 I have stripped myself of my armour for one sheer moment of romantic fallacy.

I ran and chased after that thing that so desperately appealed to me

I forgot there was every possibility I did not seem as appealing to what I ran for.

But this thing as I call it did not turn me back, it did not retreat,

But yet as you will see it made the cruelest use of me

I have been belittled to a puppet, my strings working on the base of a love only I carry.

That thing that so much appealed to me so sweetly deceived me.

Placed me on the highest clouds and stirred my emotions non stop

And stop it did not until there was that sign of undying love in my eyes

I was still unaware,so I let my armour slip even further to the ground

I did not want a barricade from this new love that beckoned to me

The sweet songs and whispering words, the sea depth eyes and warm filled hugs

And yes,the one little kiss that sent the whole of my being in spirals

Alas, shamefully I know now it was all a game.

And the hurt that I feel makes constant drops of venom

All that should be pooling to hate,should it not?

But I cannot bring myself to feel the hate, so again and again I do something foolish.

I keep running after this thing that appealed to me.

Desperately wanting it to see me,

Desperately hoping,

Desperately praying,

Even silently watching,

Thinking that some day it would love me.

I have locked my heart in a cage and swallowed the keys

I have made myself a slave to love for the things I want.

But as I write, someday has still not come

So I have continued to be foolish,

And i have ruined myself,

And all for that one thing that appealed to me

That horrid romantic fallacy.

A Nigerian Love Story…. Episode 2

As they sat hugging each other close, Demi thought about the first time they met.  She was sure he didn’t even remember it so well and she hadn’t ever imagined falling for him but now she prayed and hoped he never fell out of the love he said he had. She still hadn’t said the words back. She only nodded, smiled and kissed him again. 

    She was scared this would turn out like the rest but somehow she knew it was different that he was different. He made her want to be a better person,  a different person and annoying as he got, he still remained charming. 

     ” Sometimes you just want to feel love,” He said “And right now if any of my members see me I don’t care what they think cause they don’t know how you make me feel.”

   She smiled. It was a cheesy line like in the Disney kind of way but it was sweet. Her mind raced to three months before,  when she was new at school and confused too.  

  She couldn’t imagine if there was anything worse than not having friends to direct you and laugh with you.  She looked like an absolute loner and she couldn’t talk to anyone  they were all too busy catching up on juicy holiday details with the people they knew.

    First lectures are always the toughest. She got in the wrong crowd and sat in another class for ten long minutes before she realized it wasn’t hers.  Hence,  she was tardy on the first day. Clutching her books to her chest with the right hand and holding on to her hand bag with the other she walked into the lecture theatre which packed with people. Some standing, others sitting.  Most people were standing. The noise irked her,  the shrills and laughter from every angle,  the murmuring and whispering and the darts she git from different pairs of eyes. She was late and walking into a room full of people who had no idea who she was was a horrible way to start the semester

      Raising her chin up,  she walked in and slowly made her way to a corner of the room hoping badly that everyone would just forget about her and go back to their unlimited gossiping. Well,  they didn’t just yet.  As she walked half praying the ground would open and swallow her up she bumped into someone, a guy. Crazy; her mind wandered off to the very typical movies where a bump into a guy always led to him picking up your books and looking into your eyes and in a few weeks you were both singing and dancing to teenage love song, typical high school musical, but this was far from high school and the scenes didn’t play out well. 

    The klutz left her to squat over and pick up her books while still receiving the new-girl scrutiny from people. She stood up straight and for no apparent reason, scanned the room. For a moment she thought she was looking for the guy who had bumped into her but she didn’t know what he looked like and he had probably gone out the door. 

     That was when her eyes met his but just for a brief second before she looked away. The teacher got into the class just then and she hurried to a corner. She thought of those perfectly glazed over brown eyes everyday until a week later when they met again. 

   Okay guys I know this story is starting off like the usual cliche love stories and all of that but I assure you its not so please do read the posts and let me know what you think. Thanks.

That Boy… #Excerpts from a Sad Girl’s Diary..

That boy doesnt know i love him. 

He doesn’t know I would do anything for him. 

That boy doesn’t know I cringe when he passes by. 

He doesn’t know I’m terrified of what he would think of me. 

That boy doesn’t know I fight to get a sit close to him. 

He’s too busy talking to the girl with long slit skirts. 

That boy doesn’t know my heart aches. 

He doesn’t know I can’t tell him what I feel. 

That boy doesn’t even know who I am. 

He doesn’t remember I gave him my jacket when he was cold. 

That boy would be the death of me.

He doesn’t know he’s slowly killing me.